Aephanemer - If I Should Die

Delusion or
Worth my lifetime
How would I deem what I lived for
If I should die?

The toil must be done
Days are passing by
But tomorrow might be the last one
And I shall die

A habit is for us to deny
Spinning a web of silver lies
To hide the many agonies
All around us, for every being

We seem happier reduced by hunger
Flattering ourselves to be starved
Utterly craving for all that lies beyond our grasp

On the path of darkness and desire
A sweet scent of extinguished fire

We're getting worse, eager to curse
Not the curtain, but what's behind
Intoxicated within the smell of humankind

Today should be like every remaining day
Definitely all that I ask for
Whatever the moment when I’ll go away
That does not change anything at all

Happiness is complete in the here and now
It will not increase with a longer time
No other place but where I'm sitting down
This one quiet throne that I recognize as mine

A busy life and good relations
Just like everybody else
Meeting these people’s expectations
Worrying about judgments

But in my chest this acute pain
This unusual taste in my mouth
And all that counted now seems vain
Suddenly overwhelmed by doubt

I cannot be struck by these throes
With all my feelings and my thoughts
It would be too much awful woes
That my efforts had been for naught

On the chase of dreams and their demise
A sense of nonsense in disguise

This is not fair, we cannot bear
Yet another kind of torment
So disappointed, in absolute bewilderment

Today should be like every remaining day
Definitely all that I ask for
Whatever the moment when I’ll go away
That does not change anything at all

Happiness is complete in the here and now
It will not increase with a longer time
No other place but where I'm sitting down
This one quiet throne that I recognize as mine

Maybe it is going to take me nowhere
But I reckon not having to go anywhere
I don’t keep any illusion to hold dear
I just need to be ready to disappear

Void comes from the self alone
Fear from what we believe we own
Stoics across time give an advice
May death be daily before our eyes